3 And a Half Reasons Men Suck
by mary233
Summary: Sookie's life is a dull fest until she decides to accept a job as an assistant for a very well-known Swedish businessman.
1. Bloody Mondays I

**Ok, so this is a very different take on this wonderful universe of which I do not own one single character. The first chapters might be a bit blurry, but you'll see what happens later.**

**I do not own any of these awesome characters.**

**3 ½ reasons men suck**

**Reason number 1 - Family  
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I

'Family…fish…foreskin…'

'Where in the world did you hear that word?' came a very concerned voice from behind the open refrigerator door. The kitchen was filled with unknown faces that kept staring at the little boy with huge blue eyes, who sitting in his 'Pocahontas' chair and giggling. He took his time observing the amused and worried looks on his relatives' faces and wondered briefly what they were all staring at, before taking his crayon box and proceeding to colour the pink unicorn, much to his father's disdain.

'First he says words like that and colours unicorns, next thing you know he'll introduce me to his fiancée, Derek.' the 5'9'' man shook his head and watched helplessly as his wife gave him a reproachful look and took her child into her arms.

'One more word out of you about this and you're sleeping on the couch the entire trip. Andy can love whoever he wants; we will still give him our blessing.' the woman's soft features had turned almost vulture-like while defending her son's future spouse preferences. It was clear to everyone in the room Crystal did not approve of her husband's commentaries and a general murmur erupted shortly after to cover the awkward silence.

The raven-haired woman stepped out of the crowded kitchen and into the dinning-room, carrying her son and straitening his jumper.

'You know it's not his fault he reacts this way. It's how we were raised, Crys.' a young woman appeared behind her, having broken free from the busy kitchen. She had her hair tied up in a short ponytail and looked quite amused of the whole scenario. She took the little boy from his mother's arms and started tickling him, gaining a warm smile from the other woman.

'It just makes me wonder how he will react when he meets my brother, that's all. I want everything to go as smoothly as it can and homophobe slurs are not wanted at our family reunion.' She sighed and pulled out a chair, sitting down gracefully. 'It's not the best idea Ruth had in the last year.'

'I thought Jason already met your brother.' The young girl smiled and gave her nephew a piece of chocolate, the little boy eating it greedily in a few seconds.

'He has, but at that time he was in a relationship with Carmen. Things have changed…' said Crystal and looked towards the kitchen door. 'We should have left 30 minutes ago. We're bound to run into the Smiths if we don't leave soon.'

'Still upset about the whole tree thing, huh?' the young woman smiled sweetly. Her features softened and she didn't look as tense as she had minutes ago. Standing in a room with just two people was a blessing after the week she had. It would have been a miracle to be alone as she had wished, but it was better than facing her brother's cousins any day. She couldn't relate to that part of her family, as much as she tried. It was never easy when she ran into any of them, seeing how she resembled her mother and they all thought she was the reason her father had left his first wife.

Nevertheless, she and her brother had a good relationship. He understood the fact that she wasn't the reason his parents had gotten a divorce. Plus, her father had left her own mother years ago, leaving them with nothing but pictures and a monthly mail. Things weren't so sweet in the Stackhouse family.

Crystal sighed, got up and went into the kitchen, where the loud whispers ended with Jason coming into the dinning-room, picking up his son and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

'We've got to go.' He said reluctantly to his sister and looked his watch. 'If we're not out of here in ten minutes, I'm afraid my wife is going to pull a Bobbitt on me.' He gave her a sly smile and placed his son on the floor next to him.

'Thanks for looking after him. Adele will be here tomorrow at 10. You be good, you hear?' he looked at the little boy and ruffled his hair. His son looked more like his mother than him, but everybody who knew the family was aware of the fact that he had Jason's personality.

'It's no problem. It's not like I had anything better to do.' She waved him off and stood up. 'Now, get your coat and get out. It's late and he needs to go to bed so I can go online and watch movies.'

'Don't give him any chocolate, he's apparently allergic to it.' Jason scowled 'I hope that's the only thing he's allergic to, or next thing you know…'

'He's a vegetarian and real men have to eat meat. Yes, we all know what your opinion on that subject is. Now go.' Sookie said with a smile and pointed her finger towards the open door, where their relatives had already started gathering and exiting one by one. There were at least 15 people in that room and they were all very noisy. Some came up to Jason's son and pinched his cheeks, something the little boy didn't care for, as he permanently shook his head and tried to break free from all those people.

After short farewells and a list of all Crystal's family numbers (just in case the boy was in mortal danger), they left. Sookie quickly dressed her nephew for bed, declined his offer to play with his GI Joe, which was dressed in a fluffy blue dress (Jason simply hated that doll) and went to the guest room, turning on her computer.

She sighed and looked at the colours on the monitor. Her mind had drifted into a seemingly secluded spot, where only she could enter. She clicked and typed, not registering what she was doing, it had just gotten into her reflex. After five minutes, her eyes focused on her Facebook page.

'Might as well change it.' She said matter-of-factly and proceeded to change her relationship status. It didn't hurt as much as she thought it would. After all, it was just a simple click away. But something tugged inside of her. She wasn't good enough for him. Or his uptight family. And she never will be.

They were so glad to have her in their house at first, but after a year, they felt she was holding their son back. They probably thought it was just a fling for her. She really thought they were in love – the sort of love you leave after things get boring, the type of love that is convenient. But to her it was much more. She hadn't left the country for him. And now she was unemployed, without a real house and without a boyfriend. He left her for the job she was offered a year ago. And she stayed for him. Tough.


	2. A Piece of Advice

**I don't own any of these awesome characters. I'm just having fun.  
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**3 ½ reasons men suck**

'Now deary, tell your grandmother what you want to do today.' Adele's calming voice echoed in the large room as she smiled towards her only nephew. He gave a small giggle and jumped into his grandfather's arms.

'I want to go to Denny and play.' He said in a small voice.

'Oh, I'm sure Denny would love to play with you one last time before we leave.' The old man said and went into the backyard.

'So darling, tell me all about yourself. How have you been?' the old lady took a seat and looked towards Sookie. She smiled sweetly, but the girl knew she was up for a long lecture. Reluctantly she sat down and smiled.

'Well, fine actually." She said with the most convincing tone she could muster.

'Yes, I didn't know that being unemployed and single was considered fine these days. Young people amaze me each day.' She laughed innocently, no amount of bitterness in her words. 'Listen sweetie, I think I can help you.'

Sookie's eyes glistened and she looked towards the old lady with a renewed curiosity.

'Help me …how?'

'Well, as you know, my dear husband, even though retired, has a few connections. We have a distant….friend. And he keeps firing assistants like there's no tomorrow. Maybe you could try out for the job.'

'Well, I'm flatered…' Sookie raised her freshly plucked brow and bit her lower lip 'but if he keeps firing his assistants, how do you know he's not going to fire me?'

'He owes us.' The old lady smiled and put her glasses back on.

'Thank you very much, but I don't think I'm going to rely on your help. I'm not really into that whole 'it's who you know that counts' motto.'

'Oh sweetie, you're so young. What other option do you have? And believe me, you don't really want this job because you're worth more than being a simple assistant. But you're going to have to accept anything that comes along. And I think this is a great place to start.' She winked and got up from the chair, searching for something in her purse.

'Here, this is the number of his secretary. Just call her and arrange a meeting. You'll love it there. They're all about equal rights and being eco-friendly.' She said handing her a white piece of paper 'Oh, and by the way, his son is terribly handsome, or so I've heard.'

**- short, short chapter, but reviews are always appreciated:D-**

'


	3. Shoes To Kill

**The characters are not mine. I wish they were, though**

III

'What in the world….?' Sookie wondered as she stepped inside a grand elevator, squeezed between six other people. Thursdays were quite popular it seemed. Somehow, she drew in a breath and waited for floor number 23. She was beyond nervous, having waited several days to make the phone call to the office. A young woman had answered and told her she should come by, mentioning in a very off-putting tone that Sookie should be careful what she would wear to the interview. Bitch.

By the time the elevator had reached the 23rd floor it was empty and the young woman stepped on the marble floors, her heels making awful noises in the empty (and huge) hall. She spotted a desk and after drawing a quick breath to calm herself she approached it. But to her surprise, she didn't see a woman behind that desk, but a man, dressed in one fine suit.

"How may I help you?" the African American man asked, looking already bored. What was it with these people and their manners?

"Hi. I'm Sookie Stackhouse, I'm here for the interview." She said, a broad smile never leaving her face.

"Oh…" he said, sounding a bit disappointed. He stood up and came to stand near her, with his hands behind his back "Well, give me a twirl."

"Excuse me?" Sookie looked taken aback and clutched her purse.

"You have a hearing problem. Gotta write that down, then." He said and let his eyes linger on her skirt.

"I do not appreciate being ogled at, thank you very much. I thought this was a respectable enterprise, but seeing as…" she started but was immediately cut off.

'Don't flatter yourself, honey." He smiled and leaned closer. "Is that skirt Dior or Chanel?" he asked and put a hand on his hip.

"Oh…it's…a…." Sookie was taken aback for a few seconds, but smiled "I don't really know what it is, but it didn't cost more than my rent, that's for sure."

"Damn shame." The young man said and held out his hand "My name is Lafayette, I'm going to be the one conducting the interview. Nice to meet you, Ms. Stackhouse."

Sookie took his hand a little apprehensively, slightly biting her lip. "Oh, I thought I was going to talk to mister…"

"Yes, well, mister Northman is quite busy and he trusts me, so I'm the one you'll have to impress." Lafayette smiled and nodded. "Now the, let's talk about your experience." He turned around and started walking towards a huge black door, not bothering to see if Sookie was following him. She took the hint quickly and the sound of her heels on the marble floor could be heard again.

After a few minutes of her explaining what her past jobs had been, Lafayette stopped abruptly and turned around, a slick smile on his face.

"Listen honey. First rule. Don't talk so much. Second, don't ask too many questions. Third, be sure you don't drool."

"Be sure I don't what?"

"Drool. It's that thing humans do when their mouth is slightly open and saliva comes running down their chin. Yeah, that. Don't do it."

"Why would I drool?" she asking laughing.

"You'll see." He winked at her and continued walking "Now, your probation period will start today and it will last about a week. If you can handle the load, you'll be ready when Mr. Northman returns from Europe."

"May I ask what I'm supposed to be doing or will I have to guess that part too?" Sookie asked, looking a bit annoyed. She did not appreciate the way that man was talking to her or the fact that he was walking in front of her, not so much as a quick glance form time to time.

"I like your attitude." Lafayette said without looking at her. "I'm sure Mr. Northman will too. Now, you must understand that you will be his personal assistant. That means that if he decides to fly off to Nicaragua, you will be ready to go with him. And he will, trust me."

"Well, I didn't know a person his age was so impetuous. I mean, Adele didn't say much about him, but I guess he's over 60, right?" she said trying to make small talk. Her shoes were killing her feet and the atmosphere was killing her mood.

"Riiiiight…." The young man turned and looked at her for a few seconds before stopping in front of another set of doors.

***reviews, as always, are welcomed***


	4. The Pope

**I don't own any of these characters.**

**IV**

"Remind me again why I have to do this?" Sookie sighed and clenched her fist behind her back. It had been a little over 3 days and her duties were becoming more and more absurd by the second.

"Trust me on this one, this is a skill you're gonna need." Lafayette pursed his lips and looked at her like she was a stubborn old baby.

"I never read anywhere that my job as an assistant required me to choose between three almost naked women." She almost shrieked and a strand of hair fell loose from her tight bun. Although it had been only 3 days since she met Lafayette, they had bonded over the crappy salad they had both received for lunch on her first day on the job. Then, he told her it was tradition that the (almost) new employee would come to the nearby bar with the other colleagues and have a drink or two. That part surprised Sookie, seeing how the ever so trendy young man had treated her up until that point. Nevertheless, they both savored a couple of Cosmos and talked about their lives, Sookie finding it hard not to laugh at his never ending jokes and his comments about different people in the bar. Also, she had heard the word 'bitch' far too many times that night, courtesy of Lafayette. It appeared to be his catchphrase.

"Honey, trust me. When you're Mr. Northman's assistant, choosing the right arm candy for a night at the gala might save your ass." The cold and inconsiderate Lafayette was long gone, being replaced with a crazy and funny fashionista.

"Ok, fine. I pick the redhead." Sookie finally said, pointing her finger at the picture in the middle. It was funny how one moment she was analyzing the Tokyo market and the next she was looking at bikini clad models.

"Wrong. Northman doesn't like redheads." He crossed his arms in front of him and gave her one of his trademark stares.

"She has a nice ass." Sookie said defensively, "and nice eyes. Good enough."

"Ok, next set." He pulled out three more photos and placed them on the table in front of them. "Pick one."

After a few seconds of analyzing each photo and slightly blushing, she picked one up and nodded "Blonde, tall and she has nice lips."

"Well, thank you, sugar, but I think my tits are more valuable than my mouth." Came a strong, yet feminine voice from behind her and Sookie turned looking startled. There, in all her glory, stood a young woman with legs that went on for days and a wicked smile that could chill Iceland.

"Oh, excuse me, I wasn't talking about you." Sookie said looking flustered. She really didn't want to step on anybody's toes in this place, it was stressful enough.

"Pam…what brings you here?" Lafayette asked quickly and went to stand in front of the tall woman.

"Well, I was getting bored and Eric suggested I came over just to see how things are going." She gave the place a quick look and then her eyes landed on Sookie "This her?" she asked, tilting her head in the young woman's direction.

"News travels fast, I see." Lafayette nodded and placed a hand on Sookie shoulder and squeezed lightly. "Pam, meet Sookie Stackhouse."

"Pleasure." Pam said in the most monotone voice she could muster "Now, tell me sugar, why would you want to work here?"

"I think it's a nice opportunity to meet new people and gain experience, while not having a very stressful job. That, and I need to pay my rent somehow." Sookie straightened her shoulders and tilted her chin upwards.

"Trust me, your job is going to be more stressful than the Pope's on the day Lady Gaga releases a new video. That is…if you'll be able to stand it." Pam smiled one of those chilling little facial expressions where you show just enough teeth to make the other person think of nasty little thoughts.

"I think I'm quite able of offering Mr. Northman everything he will require."

"Oh, do you now?" Pam looked absolutely thrilled "Well, keep that in mind next time you're going to be a in a hotel with him in a god forsaken place."

"I'm sure I will." Sookie said defiantly, not lowering her eyes from Pam's one second. She was not going to back off on this one.

"Tell me…Sookie." She said her name with a tint of curiosity in her voice "Do you enjoy shopping?"

"Not so much, no."

"Well, then you'll just have to pretend you're on a cruise in the Mediterranean Sea for the next couple of hours. I need new shoes." Pam pouted and looked down at her fabulous pumps "I'm sure Lafayette can handle things himself for a while." And with that she turned around, waving her hand "Bye, sugar."

"Bye, bitch." Lafayette said slowly and looked towards Sookie "Well don't just stand there. Get your ass moving. If there's one person you should impress right now, it's Pam." He said and threw a purple purse towards Sookie, which she managed to catch at the last minute, before she started walking rapidly after the tall blonde.

She managed to get in the elevator just as the doors were closing and allowed herself a moment to look at the strange woman beside her. She was…spoiled. Maybe not spoiled, but uptight? She didn't know how to describe this Pam character and she needed to find out more about her, just to be sure not to make a huge mistake during that day.

"So…" Sookie began not looking at the other blonde in the elevator "Do you work here?"

A smile spread across Pam's face, softening her features "Try again." She simply said, keeping her eyes fixed on the doors.

"Uhm, well, I suppose you're Mr. Northman's…..wife?"

Pam half snorted, half laughed and for the first time in minutes she looked at Sookie "I'm sure Eric would admire your sense of humour. And before you ask, I'm not his mistress either."

"I wasn't going to ask that!" Sookie blushed slightly. "I have better manners than that."

"Oh, I'm sure you do." Pam looked away and started playing with a ring on her finger. "I'm his sister. Well…half sister. No, that's not right either. Hmm…" she pondered for a few moments "Let's just say it's complicated."

"Oh, ok, I get it." But actually, Sookie was more confused than ever. How could Mr. Northman have a sister Pam's age? Even if she was half sister or whatever the hell she was. Things weren't adding up.

"May I ask how old your…uhm…Mr. Northman is?"

"Not old enough to be called Mr. by you, that's for sure. You're like what? 25? 26?" Pam guessed and pointed a finger at Sookie who just shook her head "Well decide, honey, which one is it?"

"I'm 26." Why was she so nervous? Sookie seemed to be totally off today. First the choosing photos with Lafayette and then this whole experience with this Pam person.

"So…how old is he?" she tried again but was only met with a smile.

"I'll just let him tell you that when he comes back." Pam offered and the elevator doors opened. "By the way, how is Adele?"

"She's fine, taking care of her great grandson as we speak." Sookie smiled remembering the young boy and his very special personality.

"Oh, I'm sure she's loving that. I always cared a great deal about your grandmother. She was the one that taught me how to use tampons." Pam said out of the blue and continued walking like nothing had happened. "We were quite close. She's a very close friend of my father's, but I'm sure you know that. I'm surprised we haven't met until now." She waved her hand.

"Actually, I only began seeing her again about two years ago. She and my mom don't get along all that well." Sookie shrugged and continued walking.

"Oh, that's right, you're the bastard child." Pam said happily.

Sookie stopped dead in her tracks and looked menacingly towards Pam, taking a step closer to her. She was used to being called a lot of things, but she thought those days were behind her. Apparently not.

"Oh, relax darling. I'm adopted. It's all good." Pam waved her right hand again and grabbed Sookie with the other one. "The sins of the fathers shall not be passed onto their children." She rolled her eyes and smiled "Now, a few things you need to know about Eric, he's very picky and he gets bored easily. That's why he had me check up on you and since I really like Adele I'm going to teach you a few tricks, because he may know your grandparents, but if he doesn't like you and your work, then you won't be staying."

"I don't need any help, thank you very much." Sookie said stubbornly, still feeling the burn from Pam's last remark.

"Oh sugar, you need thicker skin. If you think I'm bad, you just wait 'till you meet Eric." Pam said with a knowing smile plastered on her face.

*** Do you like it so far? Any suggestions? Let me know what you think about it. By the way, don't worry, Sookie is just having an off day. She'll be back full force in the next chapter. And maybe, just maybe, Eric will make a quick appearance.***


	5. French

**I don't own any of these fabulous characters.**

V

The next couple of days Sookie had more to do than anyone in the firm. Lafayette had made it clear that if she wanted to be Mr. Northman's assistant, she had to prove that she could handle the load that came with him. So she was asked to be the secretary of the entire enterprise. At least the part situated in that town. And it was not easy. Everybody came and gave her bills that needed to be send, contracts that had to be signed and the damn phone kept ringing non stop. The shopping trip with Pam had been the most pleasant thing she had to do all week, and Pamela was a tough act to follow.

The young woman rested her head on her hands as the clock slowly ticked away. 'Just five more minutes and I can go', she thought. Praying to all the deities she knew that she could leave on time for once, she heard the phone ring and cursed out loud.

"Northman Enterprise. How may I help you?" she asked with a pleasant voice, hoping that she could end this conversation as fast as humanly possible.

"Hello" came a strong voice from the other end "Who is this?"

"Sookie Stackhouse. How may I help you?" she repeated the question in hopes that the other person would get the hint.

"Ah, yes. Sookie." Her name was drawled by the man who was speaking. "Listen. I need a car to pick me up at the airport in 4 hours and I want the driver to have my suit ready. Also, RSVP to that event for tonight and pick up a present suitable for the occasion."

"Excuse me" Sookie said a little more edgy than she wanted to "who is this?"

After a few seconds of silence, came a quiet chuckle "Eric Northman. Who else could it be? Oh, and Sookie? I want you to be at the venue when I get there. Wear your best dress." And with that final sentence the line went dead. Sookie started at the phone for a minute before slowly getting into panic mode. Northman was coming. And she had to be ready for him. What suit was he talking about? What driver? What car? What venue? Sookie had no idea what these things were and where she could find them but she had to act fast. By now she had come to realize that she wouldn't be working for Northman senior, but rather his son. And she didn't have a good feeling about it. From what she had gathered from the Internet (God bless Google), she had found out that Eric Northman was…interesting. He was described as being a party animal, a ruthless businessman and interested in fine art. Talking about Mr. Extremes here.

But she didn't have time to ponder about her future boss as she ran towards the office where Lafayette was staying for the rest of her 'probation period'. She quickly passed a few colleagues, saying 'Hi' as she sped past them and stopped in front of an open door.

"What car, what suit and what venue?" she asked a little out of breath.

Lafayette stood and smiled "So… I guess the boss is coming to town." And waited for Sookie to nod.

"Ok, first thing's first. Do you have a dress?"

"What?" she asked, completely amazed at the question. Then she remembered that she had to be there as well "Yes, I have a long white one. Is it ok?"

"Girl, you don't have time to buy another one. Which airport is the plane going to land on?" Lafayette asked while crossing his hands in front of him.

"I don't know. He didn't say." She panted.

"Well find out. How are you going to send a driver if you don't know where to?" he said and looked expectantly at Sookie who just froze.

"Hello! Go find out. And quick" he snapped his fingers in front of her, waking her up from her panic state.

'I hate my job' Sookie thought as she opened the taxi door and stepped out of it, her heels clicking loudly on the pavement. She took her phone from her tiny purse and made one last call to check up on everything. The driver had picked up Mr. Northman a while ago and she briefly wondered why he hadn't called her, but then she figured he didn't have any complaints, so why would he.

After another 10 minutes of waiting in the front of the venue, she finally gathered enough courage to speak to the thin man in front of the entrance. He seemed to be nice enough to answer a simple question.

"Excuse me, did Mr. Northman arrive already?" she asked in the sweetest tone she could use at that moment.

"And who is asking?" came his brief reply, without checking the guest list.

"His assistant." She slightly gritted her teeth and pushed back a strand of her hair.

"Name please…." He drawled.

"Stackhouse. Sookie." She took in a long breath and waited for the man to scan the list.

"Ah yes." His face was now much more pleasant as a smile appeared. "Yes, he has arrived. Over an hour ago."

"And you couldn't tell me that before I gave you my name because….?" Tiredness was evident in her voice.

"Well, that's just simple protocol. I'm sure you'll learn that soon." He pursed his lips and waved a hand at her, gesturing that she enter the building.

But before she could take three steps inside, her phone began vibrating. She answered quickly and was startled when she heard the voice on the other end.

"Why didn't you send me a text with your number? I had to call Lafayette to get it." Mr. Northman was half amused, half upset.

"Well…I…" Sookie began but was interrupted.

"OK, I don't really care that much. Listen, I need you to go to the Auchbahn room and bid on that desk I had my eye on for quite some time a few years back. It's finally back on the market. And there's no money limit. Good luck."

And he hung up. What the…? Sookie stared at her phone for a few seconds before she began dialing frantically.

"What motherfucking desk?" she asked, not in the least bit amused.

"Oh child. You have your work cut out for you." Lafayette laughed.

Sookie just gritted her teeth again and walked quickly towards the bidding room, a glass of champagne held firmly in her tiny hand. After two grueling hours, she finally had the French desk for her boss.

'Ugliest thing I ever saw' she thought, now sipping her third glass and pulling out her phone.

"Ah, Sookie, good, good. I need you to talk to a waiter and bring me a wine bottle. By the elevator, 5 minutes." And then he hung up.

"Oh, no problem, Mr. Northman. It was a pleasure to wait in a suffocating room, where the oldest person had probably more years than that awful piece of furniture. I hope they lose it when they bring it over to your house. Jackass." She said to a now closed phone. She made her way towards the hallway, where the elevators were with a bottle of red wine, French, of course. She tapped her foot impatiently and was startled when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and finally got a glimpse of her boss, half of his face being obstructed by a large mess of blonde hair as a very tall woman attempted to kiss every inch of him. Fantastic."Wine." he let his unoccupied hand raised in front of him, waiting for Sookie to pass him the bottle.

She did it, without saying one word and watched as the two entered one of the elevators.

"By the way, " Northman turned around before the doors closed "what kind of name is Sookie anyway?"

******3*******

**I'm not in love with this chapter. Just so you know. But it's been hectic.**


	6. We Don't Buy, We Adopt

**These characters are not mine. Even by a long-shot.**

VI

Kill the alarm clock. Get out of bed. Just five more minutes. Maybe ten. Ok, get up. Cold room. Get into the shower. Cold water. Get out of shower. Cold air. Put the skirt on. Cold zipper. Arrive to work. Cold atmosphere. Get called into boss' office. Cold SOB.

"Good morning, Mr. Northman. You're quite early today." Sookie said with a fake smile plastered on her face. The job may have been a good place to start building her career, but working for the most obnoxious male ever to set foot on this earth kind of put a damper on the whole idea.

"Are you insinuating that I am almost always late, Ms. Stackhouse?" he looked up at her with a slight grin.

"No, not at all. It's just that I am used to you coming to work well past noon." She said 'And leaving within the hour.' She added silently.

"My meetings are usually held in the morning." He nodded and leaned back in his enormous leather chair.

"Oh, I know. I plan them, remember?"

"How could I forget? They were held in the most inappropriate places one could think of." He actually smiled while saying this.

"You mean your partners' offices? Yes, terribly inconvenient." Sookie quickly learned that behaving like a Southern belle was not going to help her out in this type of situations so she settled for a mild sarcasm instead. As long as he didn't fire her, she didn't see anything wrong with it. And he actually seemed to enjoy their daily exchanges.

"You've been spending too much time with Pam." He took a pen in his left hand and began writing down something very quickly. "Tell me, when is she coming back from her little vacation?"

"When the mayor decides to make winter illegal. Her own words." The little blonde replied and made her way to Northman's desk. What dreary assignment waited for today? She held out her hand and waited for him to pass her the paper.

"Can I help you with something?" he looked up at her, his eyes questioning.

"I'm waiting for you to tell me to drive to the other side of the city and pick up your new Italian suit. Or maybe buy a new dog for your girlfriend."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk" he shook his head "We don't buy, we adopt." A wide grin spread on his lovely face and he continued to look at her for a few seconds, causing Sookie to let her outstretched hand fall to her side.

When he didn't say anything for a full two minutes, she coughed slightly and looked him in the eyes. "So…what do I have to do today?"

"Just a little bit of shopping, I think." He crossed his hands in front of his chest.

"Pam is on vacation" Sookie narrowed her eyes and mimicked his action.

"I meant for you. We're going on a little vacation of our own. Well, it's not technically a vacation, but seeing how I can finally leave this town, even for a few days one might understand my sudden burst of joy."

"So where are we going?" she asked sounding interested.

"Australia." He replied simply.

"The home of every venomous being on earth? Nice touch." Did she actually say that?

"I like you." He said after a few moments of silence. "I think we'll have a great time going down under, don't you think?"


	7. Wine, red

**3 ½ reasons men suck**

As usual, I don't own any of it, except maybe the dialogue. Still not sure about that, either. 

Sorry it's been such a long time, but due to personal reasons I opted not to write for a while. But I'm baaaaaack. I sincerely hope I haven't lost all of my readers. Short chapter, more to come. Enjoy

VII

"Why on earth would somebody live here? Every single thing is specifically designed to kill you." Sookie sat in the private jet with a Guide to Australia in her lap, which she began browsing, only to discover that not only were the waters dangerous, but you could also find a deadly spider in your room at night or you could walk past a venomous snake in a suburban garden.

"That's a bit dramatic, don't you think?" Mr. Northman inquired, sipping a colourless liquid. He was facing the window and seemed bent on looking at the clouds they were passing by.

"No, not at all. I mean, the ocean is dangerous, the land is dangerous and so is the sky. Is there anywhere you can feel safe there?" Sookie lamented while reading.

"I think you'll find our hotel to be quite suitable, considering the fact that I am going to leave a small fortune there." Mr. Northman took another sip and looked towards her.

"Such a shame. It really seems to be a very beautiful place. I wish we'd had time to visit some of these sites. I can't wait to try their food, though." The petite blonde smiled and finally placed the book on the small table between them. She folded her hands in her lap and studied her boss. Rather beautiful man. Awful company sometimes.

"Well maybe I can reschedule some of my meetings so you can have your fair share of….fun. I don't think my associates would be that upset if I tell them my assistant wants to explore Australia." He winked and signaled the stewardess to bring him another glass.

"Oh, I'm sure we can fit something in. Maybe between the parties and the shameless flirting with girls about ten years younger?" she replied and leaned back in her seat.

"Witty little thing, aren't you?" Northman smiled and took a big gulp of his drink, which had been almost instantly filled up by the devoted help, with long skinny legs and a patch of dried up auburn hair.

"Just like my mother taught me." She flashed him a brilliant smile. Sookie found out that is was much easier to be around her boss if she got into the games. As long as she did her job right and didn't actually step her boundaries, she was ok. And on such a long flight, a little bickering went a long way.

"Tell me something." She heard him say after a few moments of silence "Do you enjoy working for me?"

Sookie stared at him for a few seconds before replying "Beats working at Starbucks, that's for sure. And I don't think any other position can offer me monthly shopping trips with Pam…" she sighed mockingly "But I do enjoy working for you….sometimes. It's nice being near powerful and calm people, you can learn a lot about business from them." She said hoping she hadn't insulted him. But she doubted Mr. Northman would ever be insulted by the truth.

"So….you enjoy working for me because you think I'm powerful?' he asked with a slight grin forming on his beautiful features.

"I know you are. And you're a professional. I don't care what goes on in your personal life, I have nothing bad to say about you on work hours." She shrugged and hoped he would just drop the subject. She didn't really want to be an assistant for the rest of her life, but it was a good starting point. And she liked it there, she finally admitted to herself. The pay wasn't half bad and now she was on a plane to another continent. Life was pretty good.

"What did you major in?" he asked again. What was it with him and his silly little questions?

"I take it you haven't actually read my CV, have you?" she asked back.

"I scanned it. Good enough." Came his reply and he leaned on his right side, his hand supporting his cheek. "Can't remember your major though."

"Any guesses?" she countered.

"None at all." He replied with a smile.

"Well then, I think you're going to have to look it up, because I'm not saying anything. Here I was, complementing you on being a good boss and you haven't the slightest clue as to what I did before you hired me. Tsk, tsk, Mr. Northman, you're not setting a very good example."

He stared at her from behind his long lashes and after a few seconds finally opened his mouth "Have a drink with me."

"Not a big drinker. I prefer sodas." She said and raised her dark-coloured glass.

"Ok, suit yourself, but this flight isn't getting any shorter." He folded his hands in front of him and waited patiently.

"Ok, fine, one drink. Wine, red." She said not looking at him and took off her bracelet. Heavy, ugly thing. But it was a present and she liked it. Should have thrown it away by now.

Hope you liked this little pint-sized chapter. Now...as usual reviews are welcomed and so are tips and strong critiques. Just don't be mean or rude. See you soon. 


	8. You're my boss

VIII

"And then, I swear to God," Eric said and gestured wildly with his hands "she fell from the tree and her shoe got stuck on one of the highest branches. She swore on her future children that she was gonna tell dad what a bastard I had been. He still doesn't know." He laughed and covered his face with his right hand.

Sookie could hardly catch her breath after hearing Eric's childhood stories. She couldn't help but laugh hearing about his and Pam's mischievous ways, and now she clutched her belly and her cheeks hurt.

"No more, no more." She breathed. "I still can't believe it. Pam of all people."

"Yes, Pam had some adjusting issues that went on for about 15 years. She went through her wild period but all that remains is a not so pleasant attitude. Love her to bits, though." He said and loosened his tie a little more.

"Yes, I could picture you gossiping while drinking a large Cosmopolitan in a posh club. I wish me and my brother were so alike." She added with a hint of longing in her voice.

"Ah yes, the famous Stackhouse family. You make us look like normal people." He said raising his eyebrows.

"I think one can hardly consider somebody who owns their own jet and multinational company as being normal." Sookie responded and took a sip of her drink. "But I can see why you would think that." She finished and placed her glass on the small airplane table between them.

"Are you referring to the jet or your family?" he asked, raising one perfectly groomed eyebrow.

"My family, of course. We have had our share of ridiculous situations. I guess you can't really blame anybody for that. Except my father, of course." She gave him a quick smile and diverted her eyes. After all these eyes, it still hurt a little thinking about all the ups and downs their relationship had gone through. Now, there wasn't even a relationship to talk about. It had been years since they last spoke.

A few minutes had gone by, with nothing but the sound of the plane's engine filling the small compartment. Sookie rested her chin on her hand and gazed out into the dark. Nothing to see there, but a great opportunity to regain some form of control on her thoughts.

"So I take it you have daddy issues then." Eric's voice carried a hint of amusement as the phrase shattered the relative silence.

Without batting an eyelash or turning her head towards him, Sookie replied "I suppose I do, but not the kind that makes me jump into bed with strangers just to get some sort of validation."

"I'm not a stranger." He said after a few seconds of observing her. His initial reply hadn't caused the reaction he was hoping for.

"No, you're worse." The blonde adjusted her position so that now she was facing him and said with a smirk on her lips "You're my boss."


End file.
